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It was back in 2012 when I went away to college. I attended Bennett College in Greensboro, NC. I will forever be grateful for the experiences I had at Bennett. I had just turned 18 years old and I was off to a totally different environment. Away from my family and friends in a whole different state was very scary for me. I will forever say Bennett College chose me, I was exactly where I needed to be! God sent me straight there because he had a purpose for my life. When I first arrived I was so shy and pretty much stayed to myself until I met my now bestfriends/ bros Alicia && Jennat. They say you meet your long-term friends in college and I couldn’t agree more. My experience at Bennett College was good but it could have been a lot better if I would have put more effort into getting involved and meeting new people. Can we discuss them 8am classes thoughhh? College Freshman DO NOT DO IT! We all wanna get our classes out-of-the-way until we party too hard the night before and cant get up for class. I would say 9am at the earliest, my word of advise. Can we discuss the business office? I want all college business offices to know (THAT IS OUR FIRST TIME HANDELING BIG BUSINESS). How come no one cares to make this process easier? or a little more informative. Shit Ma’am I don’t know how much my mom made or if she can afford a payment plan. Shit can you? I stayed at Bennett for 1.5 years when I decided to return to New Jersey. I’m about to get deep now. I decided to leave Bennett for a reason I think is dumb now but my mental and emotional health mattered and I needed to be around people who genuinely loved me. I was in a short relationship but I was in loveeee. ( so I thought). Any who the relationship ended on bad terms and I was getting really sick. I had lost a substantial amount of weight, I wasn’t eating or sleeping and I was away from the people who I knew loved me. I had no one there to comfort me or just people who I felt like I was close enough with to lean on. I called my mom December of 2013 and told her I wanted to come home. This was harder than you think because my mom had no idea what was going on and I was too ashamed to tell her. I was super depressed and I knew if I stayed any longer I would have ended up in the hospital. I was suffering in silence in my apartment alone. Imagine that! Shit I’m getting emotional as I’m typing. I wish I could have stayed and graduated from there but at the moment my livelihood mattered more than anything. Wanna guess that person never reached out to check on me in fact was already talking to someone else. Shit that didn’t last either. I was so happy to return home to my mother and brother but also so angry because I felt like I was giving up on myself. I felt like I was giving up on my career, my future, my LIFE! Even though I felt like shit I enrolled in my community college and got a part-time job. Btw I just up and left my apartment but I’ll discuss that another time. I was in a terrible mind space so I literally failed every class that semester. That summer I just didn’t know where my life was headed, I wanted to return to Bennett because I kept having dreams of going back and getting my degree. That next semester I made a promise to myself that I was going to get my shit together! I did just that! I got a higher paying job and I was going to school at night. This was a hectic time because I didn’t have a car. I was catching two buses to work, then to my moms jobs, then she would take me all the way to school before she had to be to school and then come all the way back to get me. I was waking up at 4am and not getting out of class until 8pm. So here comes my next promise… my car. I said to myself I’m not buying a damn thing until I get a car. Next pay check I did just that, no games were being played. Life was going good I had my car, a new job, I was kicking ass in school, and I was in another relationship! I was still up at 4am everyday but this time was because I got a promotion. My days went like this wake up 4am had to be at work by 5am, got off work at 1pm then went to my best friend’s apartment to nap before class && class wasn’t over until 8pm. Through everything I went through I graduated May 2017! If nobody else was proud of me I was proud of myself because I worked my ass off to get that degree. No one wants to talk about it but college is a very trying time in some peoples lives. It is hard to work and go to school full-time trust me I’ve done it. My writing class teacher came up to me and said ” you would be a straight A student if you weren’t working a full time job, you’d have more time on your hands”. For some that is an easy achievement but for me sis it wasn’t!. Being around people who loved me helped me get through my depression and I even went to see a therapist on my own. I needed the help, I was driving myself literally insane! My advise to you is let whatever comes come and let whatever wants to go, go! I don’t regret leaving Bennett college, however if I would have never let the relationship get the best of me I could have had a different outcome. I was watching everybody graduate and I couldn’t help but think it was supposed to be me. Thing was it was me, it just wasn’t my time. Do not allow yourself to suffer in silence get the help you need! There are people out there willing to help. Always put yourself first because YOU matter! Your Future Matters, Your Health Matters.

Below is a picture from when I made the phone call ( Hello Mom I wanna come home) && on the right is my graduation pic!

 

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